Twilight

I remember my heart beating so loud I could barely hear anything but its ache. I was on the same path I had taken dozens of times with my father in the blazing sun as we did our ritual run from early morning to mid-day. As I struggled to keep up, my father looked back at me but he didn't care that I was lagging behind, we didn't stop, and there would be no reprieve until the run was done. Most fathers may have felt sorry for their sons but mine started singing cadence for the rest of the 4 miles we still had to run. Strength, determination, and a unforgiving love for a challenge defined my father along with the lessons he gave me. That steadfast example drove me to become a Marine like he was. To have worn the title was the achievement of his life so much so our doorbell was the Marine Corps hymn, we had a bulldog named after camouflage, and all my father's sons became Marines. I grew up knowing what I would become but I never thought of what I would do when my time as a Marine was done.

After 10 years, that silver and gold eagle, globe, and anchor isn't so shiny anymore. As I look around, I can see the exhaustion in people's eyes and when I look in the mirror I can see the same thing. It's not the type of exhaustion that can be fixed by a vacation or slowing down, it's the type of exhaustion when you are done. The sun was setting and I was in the twilight of my career as a Marine. There is a cruel realization that dawns on you when you hit this moment; it was that this is the only life I had ever known and I have to say goodbye to it to the sound of “fair winds and following seas” or in other words best of luck. So luck it is ... along with strength, determination, and an unforgiving love for a challenge.

Now, I look to an uncharted future and only see what could be. The promises of happiness, starting a family with my beautiful wife, and building a fulfilling career. An elusive term, fulfilling could mean so many things like to fulfill my pockets with money or to fill my soul with the gratitude of a life well-lived. Ideally, both sound great but I would rather have a life well lived which means for me that I am starting back over. Back to school. New career. Roots. What better for a future former intelligence officer other than mass communication and a master‘s in business administration. It's all what could be in the rising.

P.S. I look forward to writing about exhaustion in the future and how to best avoid it.